MISCELLANEOUS
Thursday, April 22, 2010 .
So I've had a very long day.
Thursday is always the day where I wear school uniform from 630am to 6pm. Almost 12 hours. Half a day.
We had some PE tests today, where we do sit-ups, pumpings and naik turun bangku in a certain fixed time. I was never good at them, because I'm the kind who chills at home, not willing to sweat a lot. I ended up exhausted, and having to climb the stairs up to the 4th floor makes it worse. And what makes it worse, I had tuition til 10pm last night, and just when I ended my class, I got a phonecall asking me to do some stuff. Okay, I admit I wanted to help, but when I got home and found out what I gotta do, I didn't want to already. My eyelids were getting heavier and heavier every minute, til I gave up and went to bed. Being sleep deprived, I gotta do some vigorous exercise in the next morning, AND CLIMB THE STAIRS SO MANY TIMES. I don't understand why the teachers love the labs so much. They don't even make full use of the facilities there. White board? We have that in our classroom. What else? We didn't do any experiments today. Well, they're probably lazy to climb to the top floor after all.
The new seating plan in class isn't helping either. Just because of some fucking talking machines (not that I'm not one, but AT LEAST I KNOW when to shut up) in class, ALL of us has to change places. But of course, the usual rebellious me maintained at my own place, but Zoe moved. Having to sit with someone not in the same wavelength, all I can do is just learn from her and do my work with her, yeah she's a smartie. But losing some energizing pills....... isn't gonna help me stay awake during lessons. Well, not like I stayed awake all the time while I was with her anyway. Just, a lil bit depressing now. I can't keep quiet and stay still, you know that.
Then comes bio lessons. As always, the teacher talks and talks, but her expressions and voice tones can't keep me awake and focused. To be honest and straightforward, she just looks like a zombie talking to... no one. Sitting in front would make it worse (I just realized), because her voice would be so loud and annoying to my eardrums. Plus the fact that everything about her seems so sleepy and dead, and having to sit right in front of her... no-no. Sitting at the back works better, in a sense that her voice isn't so loudly-annoying. But no one's going to the back with me except Angie........ you know I kinda like groupings more than pairings, and again, I can't stay still! I need more people and more things to keep me awake, for goodness' sake.
And after school, I had to stay back for Chinese class until 330pm. Then straight to physics tuition until 530pm. I get stuck in the slow jam until 610pm before I reach home and finally get to take a shower AND EAT MY DINNER.
But today, the stress that was once relieved came back again. Thinking that I am satisfied, and people would be satisfied, I could now focus on other things that's due deadline soon. But no, I'm just a noob after all. I would probably be creative and artistic like any other arts students, but no. The Malaysian education system ruined me. I'm now trained and polished just to score As in exams, not to think creatively and be innovative. I don't even get to use the computers in school, let alone learning what computers can do to ease our lives. Just when I started blogging, kids around my age in Singapore have already started learning HTML and designing webpages. They're all over the place in blogskins.com.
Frankly speaking, designing posters and t-shirts on the computer is a first time for me. AND with the level of creativity I'm having (even though I had a distinction for grade 8 piano exams, I can't play by ear. and THAT's the effect of learning for the sake of exams. and I fucking hate the fact that I can't play by ear), I couldn't do anything but to simply pass up some drafts. Fortunately with some help from others, I came up with an idea. And I really think they're nice. Just like how some people made their classrooms into some prison with black walls, but they themselves think it's cool.
But I have to do everything to suit everyone's taste. I waited for 2 weeks for a PROPER REPLY. Since then I moved on to other tasks. And finally a reply in my inbox. Amendments, again. I'm super easily distracted. Having so many tasks on hand to be done within a certain time limit, where the hell do I start first? Do I need to stare at the comp screen without blinking for a few hours time working on the designs again? Surely I do that all the time, but it was enjoying. Youtube, allkpop, facebook, games. But this is stressful. Photoshop and designing AREN'T my thing at all. Yet I still try. Everything has its first times, no? And things get tiring, I know.
Having slapped with last minute works in the past 2 weeks, I was so stressed and I cried. Out of hatred, out of stress. Those "last minute works" are different from the homeworks assigned at school okay. I didn't see them coming. I wouldn't know what I have to do in the next hour until I open my inbox. School homeworks are different, they were assigned earlier, which I have obviously procrastinated and ignored until the teacher threatens to minus marks from exams (which is quite a good thing to practice in school to make students hand in the work on time, but what the fuck?! it doesn't affect PMR or SPM at all! everything's still based on answering techniques, that's all! it's what matters the most in the end. a beautiful cert with all A's.).
I haven't been visiting allkpop for straight 3-4 days. I don't know since when. I haven't been keeping in touch with the updates lately. I want to see 2PM's comeback, Jerry's debut, and all the resumptions of the music shows (except mubank). I want to relieve stress. I need some laughs from Korean variety shows. I need rest too. But most of all, I NEED TIME. I'm surely not the only hedonist in the world who complains that 24 hours a day is not enough.
And I wish I could write essays as easily as spitting out heartfelt words like this.